the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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