I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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