3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
