I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
