Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
