The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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