After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
