I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
