I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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