you guys were way drunker than both of me
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
