Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
