Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
