I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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