I wish life had little blips of pornography
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
