Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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