how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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