You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
