put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I have feelings that need drinking.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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