I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
