Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
