Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
