my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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