You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
