omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
