Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
