Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
