He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
