I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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