just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
