Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
