I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
