I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
