Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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