It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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