I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
