then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Your cock deserves a montage
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You ruined the universe
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
