There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
