The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
