I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
