I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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