You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
