i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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