This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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