I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
