But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
