I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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