I hate your face
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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