What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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