my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
