he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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