let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
