3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
lets start a swedish sibling band together
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
