if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
