I faked an abortion last night.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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