It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
