i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
