if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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