when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
